15 minute brain vomit

candy words.

so good. sweet.

comfortable.

teeth rot as they pass by.

to and from my sugar coated brain.

layers and layers deep from the years.

decades of addiction.

want. crave. need. more.

sugar.

more sweetness. more lies.

they cover me. coat me.

in syrup.

and cushion my tongue with bubblegum.

try to find me.

you can't.

you wont.

you might.

if i let you.

if i can find me.

if i floss and scrape

dig and break

back the buildup.

the facade.

the shield.

gaze into my chocolate eyes.

and feel my rainbow-sherbet-blood beneath my

artificial-cherry-flavored-skin.

i need a toothbrush.

and some listerine.

Woah

I wanted to delete everything that I have written before in this blog. I like it though so I'll leave it. I'm just going to start using this as more of a "diary" instead.

I want to start fresh. Write this a new way. It may help me to write more if I don't see it as a chore or an assignment. Something that I HAVE to do. Even if it's only ME telling me that I have to do it.

I have a problem with rebelling against rules, it gets in the way a lot.

I fight with my alarm clock if we don't have the same opinion on when I should get out of bed. I always win. By winning, I lose. I miss out on my whole day. My alarm clock was just trying to do me a favor. It just wanted to alert me that I had a WHOLE NEW DAY to enjoy.

That's pretty special. Not everyone gets a today. A tomorrow.

But I have to be stubborn. I have to ignore it's good intentions-my good intentions for myself. I set it with the hope that I'll hear it go off again, that I'll have at least one more day. One more morning to grumble as I roll out of bed. I should be happy to hear the obnoxious repetitive tone that is my alarm.

But I'm not. I rebel.

Just because I feel like I HAVE to listen. I don't like being told what to do. I wish I could understand this about myself. Maybe I'll attempt to see my alarm clock with a new perspective tomorrow morning.